Valentine's Day Chaos!
by Haruhara Haruko
Summary: Gift-giving. Romance. Alcohol. It's Valentine's Day in the Final Fantasy worlds, of course~! :]
1. "GIMME THE FRIKKIN' COFFEE!!"

Welcome to the remake of 'Valentine's Day Chaos!', the fanfic that screwed up all the wonderful romances of Final Fantasy! :D This is a sequel, sorta, to 'Christmas Chaos!' but you don't have to read that first. It's also the prequel to 'Halloween Chaos!' Anyway, this fic was co-authored and co- hosted by my favorite author ever, Pyra the Dragon Girl. ^_^ Characters from FFVII-X, CT, and CC are included. Enjoy!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Square owns everything except Pyra and Valentine's day... I think...  
  
~*~  
  
CHAPTER I  
  
A weird planet in the middle of nowhere is shown. The scene goes to the inside of a castle on that planet. Akari and Pyra, the authors, are shown having breakfast.  
  
Pyra: Pass the coffee.  
  
Akari: Are you gonna be hyper?  
  
Pyra: No. Gimme the coffee.  
  
Akari: You're sure you won't be hyper?  
  
Pyra: GIMME THE FRIKKIN' COFFEE!!!  
  
Pyra snatches the coffee jug from Akari.  
  
Pyra: *drinks a cup* See, that's all I was gonna have. ^^  
  
Akari: Alright... Put down the jug.  
  
Pyra puts the jug down and Akari turns away. While Akari isn't watching, Pyra grabs the jug again and drinks the whole thing. O.o  
  
Akari: *turns back to Pyra* I have a lot of stuff to do today. Find the FF characters, force them to go to Tifa's, make everyone drunk, maybe even naked...  
  
Pyra: Whatever. *gets up and runs around the room, thanks to the coffee*  
  
Akari: I figured since it was Valentine's Day, I could invite Auron over there for you. As long as you don't do weird stuff.  
  
Pyra: Auron? YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!!! =DDD  
  
Akari: Okay, I'd better go. *disappears*  
  
Pyra takes out a box of chocolate. She eats all of it, takes out another box, and eats all of that.  
  
Pyra: So, I'll see Auron tonight... :}  
  
Pyra takes out a box, some liquor, and a bag of cherries.  
  
Pyra: Hee hee!!! *starts working on something*  
  
Now in the afternoon, in Tifa's Seventh Heaven... Everyone is sprawled through the room, doing weird things.  
  
Red XIII: This is mad!  
  
Cait Sith: Yeah, look at these people!!  
  
Yuffie is stuffing her face with chocolates, Vincent is obsessing over how his last name is Valentine, Shera is cooking 'food' and laughing madly, Barret and Cid are drunkedly singing the Irish Drinking Song, and strange noises are coming from the closet. O_o;;  
  
Barret and Cid: *hic* Hidey didey...  
  
Red XIII: We should stop this, Cait.  
  
Cait Sith: Yeah, but how?...  
  
Suddenly a strange noise is heard. A package drops through the mail slot at the door.  
  
Cait Sith: Hmm... *picks up the package and reads the back* To the hottest guy in the world. Love, your secret admirer.  
  
Red XIII: Who is it for??  
  
Yuffie: Who cares? Gimme it!!!  
  
Yuffie grabs the package and tears it apart. Inside is a box of liquor cherries.  
  
Yuffie: LIQUOR!!!!! =DDD *stuffs her face with the cherries*  
  
Cait Sith: We have to find out who the candy is for...  
  
Red XIII: Well, it must be for one of the guys who are here now.  
  
Cait Sith walks over to the closet door and opens it. Cloud and Tifa fall out. O_O  
  
Cait Sith: o.O Cloud's taken.  
  
Red XIII: Barret's really old.  
  
Cait Sith: Cid is... Well, he's a fugly smoking swearing bastard.  
  
Cid: *grin* So true. *coughs up a cigarette O.o*  
  
Red XIII: o.O So, it must be for Vincent.  
  
Cait Sith: Someone's in love with you...  
  
Vincent: Hmm... *stares at Yuffie strangely*  
  
Yuffie: *stops eating* What are you lookin' at? Stop looking at me. I said, STOP! CUT IT OUT!!! I HATE YOU!!! ARRRRRRRRGGH!!!! *starts throwing random objects at Vincent*  
  
Vincent: *ducks a flying chair* Er... My theory was very wrong.  
  
Cait Sith: Yuffie's out of the question anyway. She was in the bar the whole time.  
  
Yuffie: How do you know?  
  
Red XIII: Erm... O.o  
  
Suddenly Akari appears.  
  
Akari: Hi!! I'm here to invite you all to a Valentine's Day party, hosted by me and Pyra!  
  
Cloud: Pyra?! Keep her away!!! I'm not going to the party!  
  
Akari: Er... Actually, the party's here.  
  
Tifa: NOOOOO!!!!! Who gave you permission to use my bar?!  
  
Akari: I dunno.  
  
Tifa: Well, I guess if you don't invite a lot of peop--  
  
Akari: Well, I have to go invite all the FFVIII, IX, X, CC, and CT people. Bye! *disappears*  
  
Tifa: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!  
  
Yuffie: *finishes eating the candy* Hope they bring more liquor... *drool*  
  
Meanwhile, in the FFVIII world... Rinoa and Squall are eating in the cafeteria in the Garden.  
  
Rinoa: Why did we have to come here for our romantic Valentine's Day dinner?!  
  
Squall: It was the only place I could book.  
  
Rinoa picks up a limp hot dog.  
  
Rinoa: *shudder* Ehh...  
  
Squall: I dunno, I think these are delicious. *scarfs down a hot dog*  
  
Rinoa: Ugh... *faints*  
  
Squall: Uh-oh... Rinoa?  
  
Suddenly Rinoa's cell phone rings.  
  
Squall: Oh well, might as well answer it. *picks up the phone* Hello?  
  
Akari: Hello, Rinoa.  
  
Squall: This is Squall. Rinoa isn't conscious right now. Please leave a message after the beep................................................... BEEP!!!! Heh heh, I always wanted to do that.  
  
Akari: O_o;; Uh, yeah... Anyway, Pyra and I are throwing a party at Tifa's tonight. Are you and Rinoa and everyone else coming?  
  
Squall suddenly has a flashback of Pyra chasing him through Garden while he screams for mercy.  
  
Squall: *shudders* Probably not.  
  
Akari: You have to come! Everyone will be there!  
  
Squall: I'll think about it. *hangs up* Pyra is out to get me... Well, maybe Rinoa can protect me! Wait, Rinoa's unconscious. Ah, whatever. *eats another hot dog*  
  
In Alexandria, in Dagger's room...  
  
Dagger: Hey Zidane, wanna go to the Morning Star Bar tonight?  
  
Zidane: A date?  
  
Dagger: No!  
  
Zidane: Oh. In that case...  
  
Dagger: Hey! You don't wanna go cause it's not a date?!  
  
Zidane: Yeah. You know I'm a horny bastard.  
  
Dagger: Oh come on! It may not be a date... I know it's Valentine's Day and you're in love with me doesn't mean it's a date...  
  
Eiko: AAAARGH!!!!! *tackles Dagger*  
  
Vivi: Oh no! It's a chick-fight!  
  
Zidane: YAY!! *grabs some popcorn*  
  
Vivi: No, we have to stop this! It's horrible!  
  
Akari appears. She notices Eiko and Dagger fighting.  
  
Akari: Hey, I know you both love Zidane, but you have to stop fighting NOW!  
  
Dagger and Eiko stop.  
  
Dagger: I don't love Zidane!!!  
  
Zidane: NOOOO!!!!!!!  
  
Akari: *glares at Dagger* Look what you've done.  
  
Zidane leaves the castle, crying.  
  
Akari: How could you!? For the rest of you, Pyra and I are hosting a party at Tifa's tonight.  
  
Vivi: I don't think I can come with Zidane feeling so sad...  
  
Akari: Oh, come on! *cheesy grin*  
  
Vivi: Ah, what the hell. :D  
  
Akari: Great! Pyra can't wait to see you, Vivi. *disappears*  
  
Vivi has a flashback of Pyra glomping him and hugging him to death and squishing his hat.  
  
Vivi: ...NOOOO!!!!  
  
Meanwhile, in Besaid... Akari appears and looks around. She sees a Blitz sphere up ahead. Wakka is playing inside and she runs over.  
  
Akari: Hi!!! *waves*  
  
Wakka: *notices Akari* !!!!!!  
  
Wakka faints. Someone pushes him out of the sphere.  
  
Akari: Um... Dammit.  
  
Akari pulls Wakka over to a nearby hut. She opens the door and gets ready to stuff him inside...  
  
Akari: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
But unfortunately, Tidus and Yuna are making out inside.  
  
Tidus: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Yuna: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Akari: Um... Let's pretend this never happened.  
  
Akari dumps Wakka's body on the ground and runs away. She finds the temple. Lulu, Rikku, and Auron are inside.  
  
Akari: *walks up to Lulu* HI!!! :D  
  
Lulu: *sigh* Hi...  
  
Akari: Wanna come to a party at Tifa's tonight?  
  
Lulu: I can't. Wakka's coming over tonight. I just hope he didn't get drunk and faint in Tidus's house again. Cause then I have to kill him. MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!  
  
Akari: *thinking* Uh-oh... If Lulu finds Wakka in Tidus's house asleep, then she'll think that he got drunk there and she'll kill him... And my conscience is gonna tear me apart until I tell Lulu that it was my fault and then, Lulu will kill me! NO!!!! *sweatdrop* Hey Lulu, I don't think you should just go to the party and forget Wakka. No one really likes him anyway.  
  
Lulu: But...  
  
Akari: Just come. And don't go looking for Wakka tonight. Don't look in Tidus's house, especially.  
  
Lulu: O_o;;  
  
Akari: Uh... I have to go now.  
  
Akari runs toward Rikku.  
  
Akari: Hi, Rikku! =D Wanna come to a party at Tifa's tonight? Everyone will be there.  
  
Rikku: Even Zidane and Kidd and Yuffie?  
  
Akari: Yep.  
  
Rikku: =D YAY! I copied off them, ya know! *holds up an Astral Amulet, a material, and a photo of Dagger* ^_^  
  
Akari: O.o Alrighty, see ya...  
  
Akari nears Auron.  
  
Akari: Hey!  
  
Auron: Hello...  
  
Akari: Remember me? *cheesy grin*  
  
Auron: How could I forget?... *shudders*  
  
Auron has a flashback of acting as Dr. Eggs and Jerry Springer.  
  
Akari: Wanna come to a party at Tifa's tonight?  
  
Auron: Alrighty. As long as I don't have to be Dr. Eggs or Jerry Springer.  
  
Akari: Hopefully you won't. *winks and walks off*  
  
Auron: ...Actually, Dr. Eggs was kinda cool. =D  
  
The scene changes to the CT world. Crono is standing in his room. Akari appears.  
  
Akari: Hi!  
  
Crono: ...  
  
Akari: Talk.  
  
Crono: ...  
  
Akari: TALK.  
  
Crono: ...  
  
Akari: TALK!!!  
  
Crono: ...  
  
Akari: TALK, YOU @#$%^&*!!!!!  
  
Crono: ...  
  
Akari: *sigh* Fine...  
  
Suddenly a strange noise is heard from the closet. Akari walks over.  
  
Crono: No, don't open that!!!  
  
Akari: Aha, so you finally talk! Well, too damn bad.  
  
Akari opens the door. Marle falls out. She's tied up in chains and tape is over her mouth. Akari peels off the tape.  
  
Marle: CRONO, YOU @#$%^&*!!!!!  
  
Akari: My words exactly. *grin*  
  
Marle: He kept me in that closet for days!  
  
Akari: Crono, how could you?  
  
Crono: Hey, I was just making her my love slave.  
  
Akari: EW!!! *throws up*  
  
Marle: Hmph. I'm leaving.  
  
Akari: Wait! You have to come to Tifa's tonight. There's gonna be a party.  
  
Crono: Oooh, I wanna come!  
  
Akari: Alrighty. Bring everyone else. And Marle, remember, violence is bad. *wink wink*  
  
Akari disappears.  
  
Marle: *smiles sweetly* Crono, you're gonna pay! *starts whacking Crono with random objects*  
  
Crono: *whack* Ow! *whack* Hey, stop hitting me! *whack* No, not there! Please, don't hit me there... *WHACK* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Now in the CC land... Akari arrives. Kidd and Serge are sitting on Opassa Beach.  
  
Akari: HI! *cheesy grin*  
  
Kidd: *sigh* You ruined the moment...  
  
Akari: There was no moment. Serge doesn't even speak.  
  
Kidd: Well, I guess you're right...  
  
Akari: Wanna go to a party at Tifa's tonight?  
  
Kidd: Sure.  
  
Akari: And Serge?  
  
Serge: Yeah.  
  
Akari: O_O You talked!  
  
Serge: Ya. =DDD  
  
Akari: You're not evil, are you?  
  
Serge: *sweatdrop* No...  
  
Kidd: You sure?  
  
Serge: *sweating severly* Yes...  
  
Akari: Alrighty. *disappears*  
  
Now, Akari is shown back in the castle she was in previously. Pyra is typing fics on a laptop.  
  
Akari: HI!  
  
Pyra: HI!  
  
They laugh evilly.  
  
Akari: I invited everyone to the party.  
  
Pyra: WOOHOO! Can't wait to see all those FF guys! =DDD  
  
Akari: ...Have you been eating chocolate and drinking coffee?  
  
Pyra: NO! How dare you acuse me of that?!  
  
Akari: O.o Alright, sorry...  
  
Pyra returns to typing.  
  
Pyra: MWUAHAHAHA!!!!! WE SHALL DOMINATE!!!!!!!!  
  
Akari: Yes, we'll rule Fanficition.net!!!  
  
Pyra: ...Yeah. *coughs*  
  
Akari: o.O Anyway, I have to go annoy more FF people! ^^ *disappears*  
  
~*~  
  
Please review! ^_^ 


	2. "Look, you can all slap him!"

Welcome back!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Square, just my dumb ideas... Why are you reading this?...  
  
~*~  
  
CHAPTER II  
  
It's morning again. Akari and Pyra are in the castle again.  
  
Akari: Well, I have to go. The party's tonight and I have to check on the FF people.  
  
Pyra: Uh-huh. *drinks coffee*  
  
Akari: That stuff's bad for you.  
  
Pyra: Whatever. *dumps a gallon of sugar into the coffee o.O*  
  
Akari: O_o Well, bye. *disappears*  
  
Pyra: *drinks the coffee* Wonder if Auron got my package... Hee hee! ...Wait, wasn't I supposed to send it today? Ah, whatever. *dumps more sugar into the coffee*  
  
Meanwhile, outside the castle, Zidane is looking through the window.  
  
Zidane: Wow... That hot girl looks familiar...  
  
Suddenly, inside the castle, Pyra hears something. She walks over to the window.  
  
Zidane: !!!! *ducks*  
  
Pyra: *looks out* Thought I heard something... Oh well.  
  
Pyra goes to the stereo and puts on Rob Zombie. She starts dancing.  
  
Zidane: *stares at Pyra* Wow... *drool*  
  
Suddenly, something starts happening to Pyra... The scene shifts to Tifa's Seventh Heaven. Everyone is doing regular stuff. Except Tifa's in the corner, freaked out.  
  
Tifa: *shudders* Akari...is...evil...will...destroy...all...  
  
Cloud: *walks over* You know, you could just go for a walk tonight and miss the party.  
  
Tifa: Right. And for now, I'll just enjoy the calmness.  
  
Suddenly Yuffie runs past. She's completely naked and there's a banner attached to her butt that says 'FEED ME LIQUOR'.  
  
Yuffie: WOOHOO!!!!! PARTY!!!!!!  
  
Tifa: *lowers head* Why me?...  
  
Akari: *appears* Hey everyone! Did you order the stuff for tonight?  
  
Cloud: Alcohol? ShinRa will take care of that.  
  
Akari: Alcohol and ShinRa...? That's not a good mix... *shudders*  
  
Cloud: :D *walks off*  
  
Akari: Hey Tifa, don't be mad.  
  
Tifa: How can I not be?!  
  
Akari: Look, maybe you'll find a friend. =D  
  
Tifa: Everyone sucks.  
  
Akari: Well, this time, the CT and FFX people are coming too. You know, there's a girl named Marle. She's nice. Even though she's very hyper... And dresses too revealingly... For a queen... O.o  
  
Cloud: CT? Crono's coming~! He copied my hair. =D  
  
Akari: No, you copied his hair.  
  
Cloud: No, he copied my hair.  
  
Akari: No, you copied his hair.  
  
Cloud: No, he copied my hair.  
  
Akari: No, you--Ah, whatever. I have to go. *disappears*  
  
Meanwhile at the Garden... Squall, Rinoa, Seifer, Quistis, Irvine, Zell, and Selphie are gathered in Squall's room.  
  
Squall: =D Do you girls have chaperones for tonight?  
  
Quistis: Yep!!! *clutches Seifer*  
  
Selphie: Yep!!! *clutches Irvine*  
  
Rinoa: Yep!!! *clutches Zell*  
  
Squall: Good, now... Zell?! Rinoa!!!  
  
Rinoa: What?  
  
Squall: *sigh* *pulls Rinoa back and hits Zell in the face*  
  
Rinoa: :D People are fighting over me!  
  
Zell: No we aren't. I hate you.  
  
Akari appears.  
  
Akari: Ready?  
  
Zell: I don't have a date.  
  
Akari: MWUAHAHA. :D  
  
Zell: O.o Well, I'm off to find that library girl... Whatever her name is...  
  
Selphie: Haha, you don't know her name!!  
  
Zell: Well, from now on, I'll call her 'Joe'. *walks off*  
  
Squall: ...He's gonna get dumped. :D  
  
Akari: O.o Let's just go...  
  
Akari zaps the team to a random area in Midgar. Meanwhile in Alexandria Castle... Dagger, Vivi, Steiner, and Beatrix are getting ready to go as Freya, Amarant, Eiko, and Quina look on.  
  
Eiko: Why can't I go?!  
  
Dagger: *pats Eiko's head* Cause you're too young to watch people crazily make out and drink alcohol.  
  
Eiko: But what about Vivi?  
  
Dagger: He's older than you. Plus, he's too cute to miss the party.  
  
Freya: Why can't I go, though?  
  
Amarant: And me?  
  
Quina: And me?  
  
Dagger: You two don't have boy/girlfriends. And Quina wasn't even in this fic.  
  
Freya: I have a b/f!  
  
Amarant: So do I!!! Er... I mean... I have a g/f... *looks around nervously*  
  
Quina: I in fic now.  
  
Dagger: Too damn bad.  
  
Vivi: Um, why are you coming? Aren't you sad about Zidane?  
  
Dagger: Hey, I don't have a conscience. I'm a dumb teenager who likes to watch Buffy and Charmed, remember? *grin* And besides, I'm hoping to see Squall.  
  
Vivi: o.O  
  
Steiner: Let's go. Who has the map?  
  
Dagger: I do. *holds up a wrinkled, torn paper with coffee stains on it*  
  
Steiner: O.o Well, let's leave then...  
  
A few hours later... The team in in Conde Petie.  
  
Beatrix: Is this the right path to Tifa's bar?  
  
Dagger: Tifa? Who's that?  
  
Beatrix: The girl who owns the bar where the party's gonna be!!!  
  
Dagger: Oh... I thought you said we were going to the Iifa Tree. :D  
  
Beatrix: AAAARGH!!!!! *tackles Dagger*  
  
Vivi: Another chick fight...  
  
Steiner: WOOHOO!!!!  
  
Akari appears.  
  
Akari: *sees Dagger and Beatrix* O.o *pulls them apart*  
  
Beatrix: She thought we were going to the Iifa Tree!!!  
  
Akari: That's a good thing. Half the people in the world still call it the 'Lifa' Tree... Dumb bastards.  
  
Akari zaps the team to a random place in Midgar. Now in the FFX world, the party is shown on the S.S. Liki.  
  
Tidus: Are you guys sure that this is the way to Tifa's?  
  
Rikku: Um... No. Tifa's is on another planet.  
  
Tidus: Then why are we on the Liki?!  
  
Rikku: *shrugs* I dunno.  
  
Yuna: *sigh* Anyway, where's Lulu?  
  
Kimahri: In the basement. She's mad that Wakka was asleep in Tidus's house again.  
  
Rikku: O.o You have good grammar?  
  
Kimahri: Yeah, I guess. :D  
  
Rikku: Well, I'd better go cheer up Lulu. We can't let her miss out on alcohol and making out. You know how she loves that stuff.  
  
Rikku goes to the basement. There's a door marked 'DO NOT ENTER'. She goes inside.  
  
Rikku: DEAR GOD!!!!! O'Aka, what are you doing with my brother?!?!?!  
  
O'Aka: *off-screen* Um... Selling him stuff!!! :D  
  
Rikku: O_O Are you sure? Cause that looks...very...strange. My brother's married, ya know.  
  
Rikku walks out of the room and closes the door.  
  
Rikku: Hmm? What's that noise?  
  
Rikku hears someone who sounds a lot like O'Aka screaming "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME! CHEATER!!!!" and the sound of chairs being thrown around. Suddenly, the door opens and her brother gets kicked out of the room.  
  
O'Aka: *from inside* *sniff sniff* I'm gonna go find Rin... *sniff*  
  
Rikku: O_O I did not just see or hear any of that.  
  
Rikku quickly walks into another room. Lulu is there.  
  
Rikku: Lulu, you can't miss the party!  
  
Lulu: Wakka won't be there.  
  
Rikku: But you can still come.  
  
Lulu: No! WAKKA!!!!!! *starts crying*  
  
Rikku: O.o *sigh* Fine, I'll get Kimahri to cheer you up.  
  
Rikku leaves and gets Kimahri.  
  
Rikku: Go cheer Lulu up.  
  
Kimahri walks down to the basement. Moments later, the sounds of Kimahri screaming "NO! I HATE WATER! PLEASE DON'T THROW ME OFF THE SHIP!!!!!!!" and water splashing are heard.  
  
Tidus: o.O There goes Kimahri.  
  
Yuna: Well, I guess we can just leave Lulu on the ship.  
  
Rikku: But we can't give up!!  
  
Auron: I know... We can call Akari and she'll zap Wakka over! :D  
  
Akari: *appears* What?  
  
Rikku: Get Wakka over here.  
  
Akari zaps Wakka over.  
  
Wakka: Hey guys! I was kinda knocked out cause I saw this really damn ugly face while playing Blitzball, ya?...  
  
Akari: ...Hey!!!  
  
Wakka: *sees Akari* Holy Yevon, isn't that horrid?!  
  
Akari: *sigh* Whatever. Guys, this isn't the way to Tifa's.  
  
Yuna: We can get to the party later. Right now, we're just enjoying a nice cruise.  
  
Akari: Cruise?? S.S. Liki is a slave ship. *disappears*  
  
A few guys carrying chains and weapons walk toward the team.  
  
Auron: O_O Damn. She was right.  
  
Onto the CT world... Crono is in his room.  
  
Crono: Stupid Akari... Threw up on my rug just cause I said Marle was my love slave...  
  
Marle: *runs into the room* HIIIIIII!!!!!!  
  
Crono: *sigh* Um... Hey, did you know that N*SYNC is coming to Truce?  
  
Marle: Really? YAY YAY YAY!!!!! I WANT LANCE!!!!!!  
  
Crono: *thinking* Why isn't she leaving? O.o *stops thinking* Go away.  
  
Marle: I can't. We all have to go to Tifa's now.  
  
Crono: *sigh*  
  
Crono and Marle walk outside. A few minutes later, they're inside a space shuttle. Lucca is steering.  
  
Marle: How much longer?  
  
Lucca: Few more planets...  
  
Crono: *sigh* This'll take forever.  
  
The shuttle lands somewhere in Midgar.  
  
Crono: That was too long! Steer faster next time!!  
  
Everyone gets out of the shuttle and heads for Sector 7. Meanwhile in CC land... Kidd, Harle, Leena, and Serge are in Serge's room in Arni. Marge walks in.  
  
Marge: O.o What are all these women doing here??? Serge, you haven't even been through puberty yet!!!  
  
Serge: O_O *pushes Marge out of the room* You didn't just hear that.  
  
All the girls: ... *edge away from Serge*  
  
Akari appears.  
  
Akari: Okay, now you all have to go.  
  
Akari zaps everyone to somewhere in Midgar.  
  
Akari: That was short. *disappears*  
  
Now, outside the castle... Akari appears.  
  
Akari: Might as well find Pyra and take her to the party.  
  
Akari walks up to the castle. She sees Zidane's collar in a bush. It's dirty and looks as if it's been ripped off.  
  
Akari: o.O  
  
Akari walks inside. Crashing and girlish screaming is heard. Someone roars.  
  
Akari: O.o  
  
Pyra walks out of a room.  
  
Pyra: Hi!  
  
Akari: What happened??  
  
Pyra: Nothing... Zidane sure wasn't spying on me, and I surely didn't rip his guts apart and lock him up...  
  
Akari: o.O Alrighty.  
  
Akari zaps herself and Pyra to the party. Back at Tifa's... Akari and Pyra appear.  
  
Akari: LET'S PARTY!!!!! =DDD  
  
Tifa: NOOOO!!!!  
  
Suddenly the doorbell rings. Squall, Rinoa, Quistis, Seifer, Selphie, and Irvine walk in. Laguna and Raine are behind them.  
  
Laguna: What are Raine and I doing here?  
  
Raine: Yeah?  
  
Akari: Who cares? :D Come in~!  
  
Tifa: This is too many people! If anyone else comes...  
  
The doorbell rings again. Dagger, Vivi, Beatrix, and Steiner walk in.  
  
Akari: Hi everyone!  
  
Dagger: *walks past Akari* Where's Squall?  
  
Squall: !! *hides behind Rinoa* Why do all the girls love me?!  
  
Pyra: VIVI!!! *hugs Vivi*  
  
Vivi: *squished* Hi.  
  
Pyra: I love your hat!!! ^^  
  
Tifa: Akari!! This is too much people!!!  
  
Suddenly the FFX team walks in.  
  
Rikku: Those slave-keepers were freaky...  
  
Tidus: Yeah... *shudder*  
  
Yuna: Well, it's a good thing that Lulu came upstairs hoping to crash the ship--but then noticed us and changed her mind.  
  
Lulu: Actually... I was kinda gonna walk past you all and crash the ship anyway. But then I noticed Wakka.  
  
Wakka: ^-^  
  
Pyra: AURON!!!!!!  
  
Auron: O_O Ah shit...  
  
Auron runs into the basement. Pyra follows him.  
  
Tifa: Ahem... Now that everyone's here... *closes the door*  
  
The doorbell rings.  
  
Tifa: AAAAAARGH!!!!!!! DIE, AKARI, DIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!  
  
Akari: O.o Not now, I have to get the door.  
  
Akari opens the door. Crono, Marle, Lucca, Kidd, Leena, Harle, and Serge walk in.  
  
Marle: *crying* I WANT LANCE!!!!!!!  
  
Crono: *sigh* N*SYNC isn't really coming, alright?  
  
Cloud: *stares at Crono* Hey...  
  
Crono: *stares at Cloud* Dude!!  
  
Cloud: I copied your hair!  
  
Crono: Yeah, man!  
  
Now, Tifa is shown in the corner, sulking.  
  
Tifa: Akari, come here...  
  
Akari: *walks over* What?  
  
Tifa: HOW COULD YOU INVITE ALL THESE PEOPLE?!?!?! IT'S GONNA BE MAD IN HERE!!!!!!!!  
  
Akari: Sorry...  
  
Tifa: Look, if anyone touches my stuff...  
  
Tifa looks around and sees that everyone is going crazy.  
  
Tifa: AAAAARGH!!!!!! YOU WILL DIIIIEEEE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tifa and Akari start to fight. Cloud runs over and pulls them apart.  
  
Cloud: *sigh* Both your clothes are ripped...  
  
All the guys hear what Cloud said and turn to look at Tifa and Akari.  
  
Yuffie: *slaps Vincent*  
  
Shera: *slaps Cid*  
  
Rinoa: *slaps Squall*  
  
Quistis: *slaps Seifer*  
  
Selphie: *slaps Irvine*  
  
Dagger: *slaps Zid--* Oh, wait. *slaps Squall*  
  
Squall: ...???  
  
Beatrix: *slaps Steiner*  
  
Yuna: *slaps Tidus*  
  
Lulu: *slaps Wakka*  
  
Rikku: *slaps Aur--* Wait, Auron's in the basement with Pyra. Wonder what they're doing?  
  
Marle: *slaps Crono*  
  
Crono: *slaps Marle*  
  
Marle: Ow!!! What was that for?!  
  
Kidd, Harle, and Leena: *all slap Serge*  
  
Kidd: Hey, he's mine!  
  
Leena: No, mine!  
  
Harle: You stupid girlz!! He eez mine!!  
  
Akari: *walks over* Look, you can all slap him!  
  
Kidd: We already did.  
  
Akari: Do it again.  
  
Kidd, Harle, and Leena: *all slap Serge*  
  
Akari: =D Yay!  
  
Serge: HEY!!!! That's mean!!!! *gets slapped again*  
  
Akari: Well, I have to get myself some clothes. *zaps herself a new outfit*  
  
Tifa: *glares at Akari* I WILL KILL YOU. *goes to change clothes*  
  
Meanwhile with Shera, Lulu, Cid, and Wakka in the kitchen... Shera and Lulu are cooking something unidentifiable. Cid and Wakka are standing around.  
  
Cid: Come on, just one date, Shera!  
  
Wakka: Yeah, Lulu, just one?  
  
Shera and Lulu: NO!!!  
  
Akari walks in.  
  
Akari: Hmm... *smells the food* Ugh! *suffocates*  
  
Everyone: ...o.O  
  
Akari: *awakens* Is that stuff you're cooking by any chance poison?  
  
Lulu: *sweatdrop* N-no...  
  
Lulu hides a bottle labeled 'FAINTING POISON' behind her back.  
  
Akari: Make enough food for everyone tonight. I want EVERYONE to have some!  
  
Shera and Lulu: No problem... MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Akari: ...O_o;;  
  
Shera: ...Sorry.  
  
Lulu: Yeah. Can you get rid of these two? They're bothering us.  
  
Akari zaps Cid and Wakka away.  
  
Shera: Where'd you put them??  
  
Akari: Hee hee... Someone will find them eventually, that's all I'll say...  
  
Akari walks away. Meanwhile with Pyra and Auron in the basement...  
  
Pyra: What are we doing here??  
  
Auron: I can't find my shirt.  
  
Pyra: ...O_o;; What the hell??  
  
On to Yuffie and Kidd...  
  
Yuffie: Hi, Kidd!  
  
Kidd: Yuffie, get some clothes on and pull that banner off your butt.  
  
Yuffie does so.  
  
Yuffie: So, where's Zidane?  
  
Kidd: I dunno. I guess he didn't come to the party.  
  
Yuffie: How about we go back to our 16-YOT clan?  
  
Kidd: Okay, but we need a new member to replace Zidane.  
  
Yuffie: *notices Rikku* Hey, look at her...  
  
Kidd: Let's spy on her!  
  
What Rikku is doing is shown...  
  
Rikku: Stupid Pyra... Taking my Auron... I'm gonna get her!!!  
  
Rikku goes into the basement. Yuffie and Kidd follow, unnoticed. Rikku sneaks over behind Pyra and grabs Pyra's purse. She takes something out and puts something else in. Rikku runs off.  
  
Kidd: *whispering to Yuffie* She just stole something...  
  
Yuffie: We can use someone like her! Let's follow her.  
  
Kidd and Yuffie run upstairs and find Rikku.  
  
Kidd: We saw you stealing something back there.  
  
Rikku: *grin* Yep! I'm Rikku.  
  
Kidd: I'm Kidd.  
  
Yuffie: I'm Yuffie. We're also thieves and we have a clan called 16-YOT. One of our members is probably dead, so we need a replacement.  
  
Kidd: Wanna join?  
  
Rikku: =D Okay!  
  
The three sneak off to a corner.  
  
Yuffie: Okay, now we can rename ourselves the '16-Year-Old-FEMALE-Thieves'.  
  
Rikku: So, the last member was a guy?  
  
Kidd: *shrugs* It's hard to tell.  
  
Rikku: O_o;;  
  
Yuffie: We need a treasure to protect now. Last time we were protecting a yo-yo... *glares at Kidd*  
  
Kidd: *sweatdrop* Well, we need something new.  
  
The three search their pockets and pull out weird crap. Kidd takes out her Amulet, Yuffie takes out Materia, and Rikku takes out her claw.  
  
Kidd: Well, this stuff sucks.  
  
Yuffie: Hey... What was that thing you took out of Pyra's purse?  
  
Rikku: A photo of Auron that she stole from me.  
  
Kidd: And what did you put in?  
  
Rikku: A photo of Wakka that says 'I LUV YOU PYRA!!!11' on the back. :D  
  
Kidd: O_o Erm, yeah... Listen, we still need a treasure. Lemme see the photo of Auron.  
  
Rikku: *pulls out the photo*  
  
Kidd: *examines it* He's hoooot... *drool*  
  
Rikku: HEY!!!  
  
Yuffie: *sigh* How bout we just go steal something and use that as our treasure?  
  
Kidd: Whatever... *falls over from Auron overload*  
  
Back to Tifa. She walks out of her room and up to Akari.  
  
Tifa: Cloud and I are going for a walk. I'm putting you in charge.  
  
Akari: WOOHOO!!!!  
  
Tifa: You can't have any of the following though: heavy drinking of dishwashing detergents, smoking of weird objects such as my couch, orgies involving animals and non-living things...  
  
Akari: ;_; Dammit, I was gonna start a Wiindex chugging contest!  
  
Tifa: *glare* We'll be back soon.  
  
Tifa and Cloud leave. Akari jumps onto the table.  
  
Akari: Okay everyone... Grab something very valuable and non-living, and LET'S ALL HAVE AN ORGY!!!!!!  
  
Everyone: ...  
  
Akari: ...Sorry. Okay, let's PARTY!!!!!  
  
Everyone: YEAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Laguna: What's the use of trying... All you get is pain... When I wanted Julia... I got Raine!  
  
Raine: HEY! *smacks Laguna*  
  
Akari: ...That was random. :D  
  
~*~ 


	3. "YEAH! SHE'S POISONED!!!"

Welcome back. :D  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Square. Square owns me. =D *holds up hand, on which there is a chain with a tab that says 'PROPERTY OF SQUARE'* Um... On to the chapter!  
  
~*~  
  
CHAPTER III  
  
First, Akari is shown.  
  
Akari: *sigh* When is the alcohol coming?...  
  
Suddenly a truck pulls up. Akari runs outside and sees Reno getting out of it.  
  
Reno: Hi Tifa, did you order 29463208974237 crates of alcohol?  
  
Akari: I'm not Tifa.  
  
Reno: O-o Alrighty then... *sweatdrop*  
  
Akari sees that the truck is marked 'SHINRA ALCOHOL INC.'  
  
Akari: Reno, why are you working for ShinRa??  
  
Reno: Cause ShinRa makes the world happy and purty!!! ^.^  
  
Akari: ...They drugged you, didn't they?  
  
Reno: ...............Yes.  
  
Reno hands Akari the crates of alcohol and turns around. He heads back to the truck. On his back is a sign that says 'KICK ME, I WORK FOR SHINRA'.  
  
Akari: =D *gets ready to kick Reno*  
  
Reno: HEY! *turns around*  
  
Akari kicks Reno in the face.  
  
Akari: Um... Oops... *sweatdrop*  
  
Akari stuffs Reno into the truck and runs back in with the alcohol.  
  
Akari: I HAVE THE ALCOHOL!!!!!!! :D  
  
Pyra: *comes upstairs* Ooh, let me hand it out!  
  
Pyra throws alcohol around the room. One bottle hits Akari in the eye.  
  
Akari: AAAAAAAARGH!!!!!! YOU WILL PAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!  
  
Pyra: Um... Yeah. By the way, there's no alcohol left.  
  
Akari: ...Huh?? There were 29463208974237 crates and there isn't enough for 30 people??  
  
Pyra: ...Apparently so.  
  
Marle: Hey, I didn't get any alcohol!!! ;_; Come on, I need my daily dose!!!  
  
Akari: Anyone who didn't get any alcohol can share with someone.  
  
Marle: *nudges Crono and smiles sweetly*  
  
Crono: *stares at Marle evilly and hugz his alcohol*  
  
Meanwhile, Auron comes upstairs. He's clutching his shirt.  
  
Auron: I love my shirt! *eats it*  
  
Pyra: -_-;; Interesting...  
  
Rikku: *walks over* Hi, Pyra. Hi, Auron. MWUAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Pyra: O_o;;  
  
Rikku: Sorry, just a habit.  
  
Rikku quickly runs over to the 16-YOFT.  
  
Yuffie: Go find something to steal!  
  
Rikku: =D Gladly.  
  
Rikku runs over and stands behind Pyra, making it very obvious that she's there. For some reason, Auron and Pyra don't seem to notice her. O.o  
  
Pyra: Hmm, I wonder what Rikku was doing with my purse back in the basement.  
  
Rikku: *thinking out loud* Oh no, she saw me?!  
  
Pyra: I'd better make sure that everything is here.  
  
Pyra grabs her purse and dumps out the contents on the floor.  
  
Auron: *looking at Pyra's stuff* WTF?? Dragon treats? A Gorillaz CD? O_o Hey, what's that over there?...  
  
Auron picks up the photo of Wakka and examines it.  
  
Auron: Hey!!! 'I LUV YOU PYRA!!!11'? PYRA!!!! YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH WAKKA!!!!!  
  
Pyra: *examines the photo* Wait, it's not mine!!!  
  
Auron: *glares at Pyra and walks off*  
  
Pyra: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! ;_;  
  
Pyra grabs her stuff and walks off. Meanwhile with Rinoa, Quistis, Selphie, Raine, Beatrix, Yuna, Lucca, Marle, Leena, and Harle...  
  
Rinoa: Hello, fellow women!! ...I think... *glances at Harle* Anyway, do you all know what you're doing here?  
  
Quistis: Getting ready to kill you? *pulls out a flamethrower*  
  
Selphie: CHEEZE!!!!  
  
Raine: Laguna. =D  
  
Beatrix: Steiner likes younger women!!! I really don't see why he prefers cute young teenagers over me! Come on, just look at me!!! *smiles really fuglily*  
  
Yuna: Kimahri can't swim. I have to go kill Lulu. *pulls out a chainsaw and walks off*  
  
Lucca: Hey, I have to go follow that weird-eyed girl! I can test my inventions on her! MWUAHAHAHA!!!!!! *follows Yuna*  
  
Selphie: WAIT FOR MEEEE!!! I WANNA BE TESTED!!!!! *follows Lucca and Yuna*  
  
Marle: I WANT LAAAAAAANCE!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
Leena: *pokes Harle* YOU STOLE MY MAAAAN!!!  
  
Harle: *pokes Leena* NOOOOO, YOU STOLE MIIIIIIINE!!!!!!  
  
Rinoa: O-o *sigh* Okay, look. The men we love are all losers.  
  
Quistis: Why are we bringing this up now? I wanna kill some people. You, in particular. *evil grin*  
  
Rinoa: *edges away from Quistis* It's Valentine's Day, we have to deal with this!  
  
Quistis: Hey Rinoa, how much vodka have you had? HUH??? HUH?!?!?!?! *poke poke prod*  
  
Marle: LAAAAAAAAAAANCE!!!!!!!!!!! *hugs a brick*  
  
Rinoa: -_-;; *throws Marle into another random corner* Okay, women, listen up...  
  
Next, Cid, Barret, and Wakka are shown.  
  
Cid, Barret, Wakka: OH HIDEY DIDEY DIDEY DIDEY DIDEY DIDEY-  
  
Barret: *hic*  
  
Wakka: You ruined itsh!!! *tries to smack Barret but misses and falls over*  
  
Cid: DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEYYYYY!!!!!! :D  
  
Meanwhile with Yuna, Lucca, and Selphie... The three are outside.  
  
Yuna: Why are you two following me?  
  
Lucca: I wanna experiment on you.  
  
Selphie: I wanna be experimented on.  
  
Yuna: O.o Um, I'm going to look for Seymour and Kimahri.  
  
Lucca: Oh, the blue things? =D Yay! Lemme come!!  
  
Selphie: Me too!  
  
Irvine: *walks over* Wait, Selphie, don't go!  
  
Selphie: I WANNA!  
  
Irvine: No!  
  
Selphie: Yes!  
  
Irvine: No!  
  
Selphie: Yes!  
  
Irvine: No!  
  
Selphie: YES! *sets Irvine on fire*  
  
Yuna and Lucca: O-o  
  
Selphie: *grins* Let's go.  
  
The three run outside. Meanwhile, with Squall, Tidus, Crono, and Serge.  
  
Squall: Good thing I got rid of Dagger. :D Hey, you guys ever heard of holes?  
  
Tidus, Crono, and Serge: ??  
  
Squall: This Cloud guy told me that there was this hole between his and Tifa's rooms...  
  
Tidus: And?  
  
Squall: *words are censored*  
  
Serge: O.O  
  
Crono: !!!!  
  
Tidus: COOL!!! Tell us more!  
  
Squall: Okay. Once there was this hole between Seifer's and Quistis's rooms in this hotel we were staying in...  
  
Seifer: *walks over* HEY!  
  
Squall: Wanna listen?  
  
Seifer: ...Yeah.  
  
Now with Dagger...  
  
Dagger: *sigh* This party sucks. Squall keeps running away from me. I sorta wish Zidane was here... I'd better go find him.  
  
Marle: *walks over* Do you know Lance?  
  
Dagger: O_o Um... *looks around* Hey, look, he's over there!  
  
Marle turns around and sees Sephiroth.  
  
Marle: LAAAAAAANCE!!!!! *glomps Sephy*  
  
Sephy: *drunk voice* Jusht becaushe I wash voiced by Lance in KH... *hic* It doeshn't mean I'm Lance... *falls over*  
  
Marle: o.O *runs back to Dagger* Doesn't this party suck?  
  
Dagger: Yeah. Hey, I have an idea! Let's go steal the Highwind and find Zidane! =D  
  
Marle: Okie!  
  
Dagger and Marle run outside and board the Highwind and fly away. Meanwhile, with Vivi, Red XIII, and Cait Sith.  
  
Red XIII: It's so @#$%in' boring here.  
  
Cait Sith: Damn right...  
  
Vivi: How old are you people??  
  
Red XIII: 32423493270498278394!!!!!!  
  
Vivi: ...o-O  
  
Cait Sith: ...But really, we're about 40.  
  
Vivi: AAAAAAHH!!!!!  
  
Pyra: *walks over* I'll save you, Vivi!!  
  
Pyra grabs Vivi and sticks him into another corner of the room.  
  
Pyra: Okay, I have to go stalk Auron now or something. See ya! *walks off*  
  
Steiner: *walks over* Hey Vivi, wanna look at chicks? *grins and holds up binoculars*  
  
Vivi: O.O DO I?!?! *grabs it*  
  
On to Pyra.  
  
Pyra: *sniff* Auron dumped me... Not even Vivi could cheer me up... *glances toward the kitchen* Maybe Shera and Lulu will!  
  
Pyra walks into the kitchen, but she doesn't see Rikku spying on her in the distance.  
  
Pyra: HI! =D  
  
Lulu: Wanna try some poison-infested--er... I mean... NORMAL food? *sweatdrop*  
  
Pyra: Sure.  
  
Shera takes the poison-infested food out of the oven and gives some to Pyra.  
  
Pyra: FOOD! *eats it*  
  
A moment later, she starts to choke.  
  
Pyra: AAAH, IT'S HUMAN FOOD!!!!  
  
Rikku: *runs out* SHE'S POISONED! YAY!!  
  
Shera and Lulu: *sweating severely*  
  
Pyra runs to the kitchen sink and barfs in it.  
  
Rikku: Ah, dammit...  
  
Pyra: You know I'm a dragon!!  
  
Shera: Er, sorry. =D  
  
Akari: *runs in* Pyra, you ruined Tifa's sink! She's gonna be pissed!!!  
  
Pyra: This is the first day ever... First Auron dumps me, now Tifa's gonna kill me... *runs out of the room, crying*  
  
Rikku: Um... The whole Auron thing was sorta my fault.  
  
Akari: *sigh* Quit stalking people, Rikku. *walks away*  
  
Yuna, Lucca, and Selphie are shown next, on the road. Kimahri and Seymour are with them. They're all walking back to Tifa's bar.  
  
Yuna: Tell me again... How did you two get to Midgar??  
  
Seymour: Well, I was taking a cruise on my slave ship, the S.S. Liki...  
  
Yuna: You own that thing?! The guys on there tied us up!  
  
Seymour: Yeah, I ordered them to.  
  
Yuna: What??  
  
Seymour: Nothing... *sweatdrop* Anyway, I saw something wash up on the ship. It was Kimahri and he told me everything about the party.  
  
Lucca: So you two decided to come?  
  
Kimahri: Yep. We weren't invited, so we would raid it. =D  
  
Selphie: That's a really bad idea.  
  
Seymour: Well, you can't stop us!!  
  
Seymour and Kimahri run ahead. Seymour runs up to the bar and kicks the door open.  
  
Seymour: You didn't invite me, you @#$%!!!!  
  
Pyra: *sees Seymour* AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Seymour: Hey, da chick with the alter ego! :D  
  
Pyra: *jumps onto the ceiling fan* Heeeeelp!!!  
  
Auron and Wakka: I'll save you!!!  
  
Pyra: Auron, you're not mad at me? Wakka, you like me? ^^ Yay!  
  
Wakka: Jump, I'll catch you!  
  
Auron: No, I will!!  
  
Pyra jumps and lands in... Kimahri's arms.  
  
Pyra: Thanks. *pats Kimahri*  
  
Kimahri: *purr*  
  
Wakka: Are you okay?  
  
Auron: Are you hurt?  
  
Wakka: I asked her first, ya!?  
  
Auron: Grr...  
  
Rikku and Lulu walk over, both looking pissed.  
  
Rikku: Come on, Pyra can't steal our men!  
  
Lulu: CHARGE!!!  
  
Lulu and Rikku run to Pyra and fight in a girly way.  
  
Pyra: MWUAHAHAHA! You're no match for me!!!  
  
Akari: NOOOOO!!!!! Pyra, don't do it!!!!  
  
Pyra: *sigh* Fine... Maybe later... *evil grin*  
  
Now with Zidane at the castle. He's sitting in a jail cell.  
  
Zidane: This sucks. What did Pyra do!?  
  
Suddenly Dagger and Marle run into the castle.  
  
Dagger: What happened??  
  
Zidane: Well, I was mad at you, so I ran away from Alexandria and went to Lindblum. Cid invited me on an airship ride but when we were flying, it went crazy and flew into space and crashed on this weird planet. I think Cid's out there, squished under the wreck...  
  
Marle: Heh heh. =D  
  
Zidane: Anyway, I walked up to this castle and saw Pyra dancing through the window. She noticed me and said it was time to pay back for hitting on her in her fanfics. She grabbed my collar, ripped it off, and stuck me into a jail cell. Then she left. I've been here ever since.  
  
Dagger: Poor Zidane. Let's just all go to the party.  
  
Zidane: A party?! I missed all those girls...  
  
Dagger: HEY!  
  
Zidane: =D  
  
Marle: Er, anyway, you do realize that airships can't fly in space?  
  
Zidane: Yeah... O_o I dunno how I got here really, maybe I got a little too high again.  
  
Dagger: Hey, before we leave, maybe we should look around. ^_^  
  
Marle: Look, a refrigerator. Wonder what Pyra eats.  
  
Marle opens the refrigerator and looks inside.  
  
Marle: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! WE HAVE TO GET OUTTA HERE!!!!!!  
  
Dagger and Zidane: *look inside too* AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
The three freak out and run outside. They get in and fly away. Now back at the bar with Steiner, Laguna, Vincent, and Vivi... They're all walking around and looking at chicks. Actually, Vivi is being dragged around against his will.  
  
Vivi: *sigh* This sucks.  
  
Steiner: *looks at Rikku* Hey, she's hot...  
  
Laguna: *looks at Rikku too* Yeah...  
  
Vincent: *looks at her too* =D *drool*  
  
Steiner: *looks at Raine* Hey, look at her!  
  
Laguna: That's my wife!  
  
Steiner: You're married, and looking at chicks??  
  
Laguna: *nods proudly* Hey, look at that ugly one... *points to Akari*  
  
Steiner: Ugh!! *shields eyes*  
  
Vincent: I've been blinded!  
  
Akari: What are you doing??  
  
Laguna: Nothing... *sweatdrop*  
  
Akari: *sigh* Okay... *walks off*  
  
Steiner, Laguna, and Vincent: *stare at Akari's butt* Eeew... *all shudder*  
  
Meanwhile with Cloud and Tifa, in the forest.  
  
Tifa: Waah... I just know that Akari is ruining my bar...  
  
Cloud: Let's go back then! =D  
  
Tifa: Okie!  
  
Tifa and Cloud look around. They realize that they're lost.  
  
Tifa: Um... o.O I guess we should just turn around.  
  
Tifa and Cloud turn around and start walking. Back at the bar...  
  
Akari: *walks into the kitchen* Hey, is the food ready?  
  
Lulu: It was a while ago.  
  
Akari: Why didn't you serve it??  
  
Shera: Pyra tried some, and we're beginning to think that it's dangerous...  
  
Akari: *sigh* Pyra's a dragon. The food would affect her. Now SERVE IT!  
  
Lulu and Shera look around nervously. They take out the food and walk into the main room. They start to hand it out...  
  
~*~ 


	4. "WHO ARE ALL THESE FRIKKIN' WOMEN?!"

Disclaimer: I don't own Square, but if I did, then I would rule the universe and stuff!! MWUAHAHAH!!!! ...Er... Yeah...  
  
~*~  
  
CHAPTER IV  
  
Shera and Lulu pass out all the poison-laced food. Some scary X-Files music plays as everyone eats. Nothing incredibly strange happens, so Shera and Lulu shrug and start to cook more. Meanwhile, Pyra is talking to Auron and Wakka.  
  
Pyra: Hey guys, why are Lulu and Rikku staring at me like that??  
  
Auron: They're just jealous.  
  
Wakka: Ya. :D  
  
Lulu walks over.  
  
Lulu: Here, want some food? *grins evilly and pushes food toward Pyra*  
  
Pyra: No! Remember what happened last time?  
  
Lulu: Uh... *sweatdrop* This is new food! It's especially made for dragons!  
  
Pyra: ...It looks the same.  
  
Wakka: Dragon food? =D Gimme some!  
  
Lulu: NO!  
  
Wakka: O.o Why not, ya?  
  
Lulu: Um... *quickly runs off*  
  
Pyra: ...This may seem weird, but I think that Lulu and Rikku are trying to kill me.  
  
Wakka: *cheesy grin* No way!  
  
Auron: Yeah.  
  
Suddenly the door opens and Selphie, Yuna, and Lucca run in.  
  
Yuna: Hey everyone. Sorry we left, we had to find Seymour and Kimahri.  
  
Pyra: *shudder* You just HAD to bring Seymour...  
  
Pyra looks over at Seymour, who is singing random Whose Line songs with Cid and Barret.  
  
Cid, Barret, and Seymour: OH HIDEY DIDEY DIDEY DIDEY DIDEY DIDEY DIEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hic*  
  
Suddenly Marle, Dagger, and Zidane run into the bar.  
  
Pyra: *sees Zidane* Him again... *sigh*  
  
Zidane: *sees Pyra* AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! THE DRAGON GIRL!!!!!!  
  
Pyra: Eh?  
  
Zidane: You have guts in your fridge!!  
  
Pyra: Yep. *licks lips*  
  
Zidane, Marle, and Dagger: EEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!! *run out of the bar*  
  
Everyone: ...O_o;;  
  
Moving on with 16-YOFT.  
  
Yuffie: Hey... That was Zidane!  
  
Rikku: He looks like a weenie. o.O  
  
Kidd: Let's go get him!  
  
Yuffie, Rikku, and Kidd follow Zidane outside.  
  
Yuffie: ZIDANE! *random glomp o.O*  
  
Zidane: *squished* -.-  
  
Dagger: WHO ARE THESE WOMEN!?  
  
Rikku: Hey Zidane! I'm the new member that replaced you! You know what that means? I OWN YOU!!!!! *glomps Zidane*  
  
Dagger: NO-NO-NO-NO-NO~!!!!! *pulls the women off Zidane*  
  
Zidane: O.o Anyway, I wanna rejoin the clan.  
  
Kidd: We sorta renamed it '16-Year-Old-FEMALE-Thieves'. :D  
  
Zidane: ...YAY! Even better! *perverted grin*  
  
Dagger: ...O.O *edges away slowly*  
  
Everyone returns to the bar. Meanwhile with Rinoa, Quistis, Raine, Leena, Beatrix, and Harle.  
  
Rinoa: *sigh* We've gotten nowhere!  
  
Quistis: OH REALLY??? *pokes Rinoa with a stick* HUH? HUH?!?!?!?! *psycho glare*  
  
Rinoa: O_o *edges away quickly* Okay, look at our men!  
  
Rinoa points out Steiner and Laguna using binoculars to stare at chicks, and Serge and Seifer listening to Squall rant about holes.  
  
Rinoa: We must stop them! They're thinking about other women!  
  
Leena and Harle: *twitch* Serge is talking about Kidd...  
  
Beatrix: Steiner thinks Rikku is hotter than me?! How can that be true?!?!?!  
  
Raine: *stares at Laguna as he points a set of binoculars at Serge's ass and looks at it intently* Er... I see nothing wrong. It's normal behavior for Laguna.  
  
Quistis: *looks mistily and sweetly at Seifer* I wanna beat his ass... *clutches her flamethrower*  
  
Rinoa: LET'S GET 'EM!!!  
  
The girls pull weapons and torches from out of nowhere and glare in the men's directions. Akari runs over.  
  
Akari: O.o Are you all starting a petition to kill your loser boyfriends?  
  
Rinoa: *sweatdrop* Is it really that obvious?  
  
Akari: Yeah. *eyes the weapons and torches*  
  
Quistis: Well, we're not gonna kill those guys...  
  
Rinoa: Yeah, in fact... We're... Er...  
  
Quistis: We're gonna use this to make some more food! :D *holds up a dagger and flamethrower* Barbeque, anyone?  
  
Akari: ...O_o Er, yeah... Um, I have to go get the music ready or something. *edges away slowly*  
  
Quistis: *breaks into tears* What? No one likes barbeque?!  
  
Rinoa: *pats Quistis* You've had a little too much sake`...  
  
Quistis: *growl* Fuck off. *eats Rinoa's hand off o.o*  
  
Meanwhile, Akari is in the middle of the room. She jumps onto a table.  
  
Akari: IT'S TIME TO SLOW DANCE!!  
  
All the girls: YAAAAAAY!!!!  
  
All the guys: NOOOOOO!!!!  
  
All the girls take a guy.  
  
Yuffie: *grabs Vincent*  
  
Shera: *grabs Cid*  
  
Rinoa: *grabs Squall*  
  
Quistis: *grabs Seifer*  
  
Selphie: *grabs Irvine*  
  
Dagger: *grabs Zidane*  
  
Beatrix: *grabs Steiner*  
  
Yuna: *grabs Tidus*  
  
Marle: *grabs Crono*  
  
Kidd, Harle, and Leena: *all grab Serge*  
  
Kidd: Hey, he's mine~!  
  
Leena: No, MINE!  
  
Harle: *growl* MIIIINE!!!  
  
Akari: *sigh* You can all dance with him.  
  
Kidd, Leena, and Harle: Yay!  
  
Kidd, Leena, and Harle link their hands to make a circle and put Serge in the center. They close in on him.  
  
Kidd, Leena, and Harle: *psychotic looks* MWUAHAHAHAH!!!!  
  
Serge: o.o Help!  
  
Akari: Hee hee. :D  
  
Akari goes off to look for music. She comes across a shelf full of Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, and shit like that.  
  
Akari: :P What should I put on? This stuff sucks.  
  
Yuffie: *walks over* That's not Tifa's stuff, that's mine. :D *walks off*  
  
Akari: ...o-O *shudder* Okay, does anyone have any CDs I can borrow??  
  
Pyra: Here! =D *tosses a CD toward Akari*  
  
Akari: *gets whacked in the head* ...-_- *looks very unamused* What's that, the second time? Ah well...  
  
Akari puts the CD into the stereo. Rob Zombie blasts from the speakers.  
  
Akari: O-O Pyra!! This isn't very good to slow dance to!!  
  
Akari looks around. Everyone is slow dancing anyway. o_O  
  
Akari: *shrug* Oh well. I wish Ryu was here now...  
  
Akari zaps Ryu, the demented freakish co-author, into the fanfic.  
  
Akari: :D Come, slave! *drags Ryu off*  
  
Ryu: NOOOO!!!! Pleeease!! I wanna go back to being the weird ignored guy who no one knows about!!!!!... *starts crying*  
  
Reader: BOO!!! SHITTY SELF-INSERTIONS!!! *kills Akari*  
  
...You wish. I do too, really. O.o Meanwhile, Pyra is in another corner.  
  
Pyra: I dunno who to pick...  
  
Auron: Meee!!  
  
Wakka: No, meee!!  
  
Pyra: O_o;;  
  
Rikku and Lulu run over.  
  
Rikku: Come on, Auron! *grabs Auron*  
  
Lulu: :] Wakka! *grabs Wakka*  
  
The 4 run out to dance.  
  
Pyra: ... *eye twitches* That's it...  
  
Akari: *looks over* NOOOO!!!!! PYRA, DON'T!!!!!  
  
Too late. Pyra transforms into... *cue scary X-Files music* DARK PYRA!!! *gasp*  
  
Everyone: AAAAAHHH!!!!!!  
  
Dark Pyra: *stares at Lulu and Rikku* DIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!  
  
Akari: o.o Okay, since I can't stop Dark Pyra, I might as well let her blow some shit up. At least I'll be able to get everything cleaned up before Tifa and Cloud get back! :D  
  
Suddenly the door bursts open and Tifa and Cloud run in.  
  
Akari: *sigh* Stupid fore-shadowing. *kicks stuff*  
  
Tifa: We're baaaack! ^.^  
  
Cloud: *sweatdrop* Look...  
  
Cloud points out Dark Pyra, who is trashing the bar.  
  
Tifa: NOOOOOO!!!!!! *glares at Akari* Okay, you and Dark Pyra have to leave now!!! You screwed up my bar!  
  
Dark Pyra: ...We're not going anywhere.  
  
Tifa: *freezes* Ack...  
  
Dark Pyra: *points to Rikku and Lulu* I stole their men. Now I'm gonna kill them.  
  
Tifa: ...  
  
Dark Pyra: ...  
  
Tifa: ... *burst out laughing*  
  
Dark Pyra: Er...? Okie, whatever. The point is, they're gonna diiiieee. ^_^  
  
Tifa: Okay, whatever. *walks over to Quistis and starts talking about crap*  
  
Akari: *sigh* Dark Pyra, you'd better leave for a minute.  
  
Dark Pyra flies outside. Akari walks over to Rikku and Lulu.  
  
Akari: I'm gonna save you two from being eaten. *weird psychotic grin*  
  
Akari zaps Lulu and Rikku away.  
  
Cloud: Um... Where'd you send them?  
  
Akari: Sector 5.  
  
Cloud: Dark Pyra will find them!  
  
Akari: I'm gonna get Pyra outta here. *walks outside*  
  
Outside, Pyra is nowhere to be seen.  
  
Akari: Ah @#$%... Oh well, she'll find her way. *goes back in*  
  
Pyra is shown now in the forest, no longer Dark Pyra.  
  
Pyra: *speaking in a dark and demonic voice* My faithful guardians!!  
  
Two shadowy figures appear in front of Pyra.  
  
Figure 2: NOOOOOOOOO!!!! She's gonna slash me again!  
  
Figure 1: -.-;; Grow up. It's your fault you ate her camcorder.  
  
Pyra: Ahem. My loyal creatures, I have another job for you...  
  
Figure 2: Does it involve blowing up stuff in big, pretty, firey explosions?  
  
Figure 1: Shut up, you stupid waste of scales and flesh. *stuffs one of the other's bombs in his mouth*  
  
Pyra: Ehh... No, it involves bloodshed and death.  
  
Figure 1: I'm in then. My blade arm needs to have some sort of use.  
  
Pyra: Right. I want you... *points finger to the first figure* To deal with the Al Bhed brat.  
  
Figure 1: Very well. Little Rikku is such a pest.  
  
Pyra: And you! *points to the second figure* My moronic explosive specialist, I want you to finish off the pesky Black Mage.  
  
Figure 2: *spits out the bomb* Wouldn't that be Flame Face's job?  
  
Pyra: -.-;; No. I meant the Black Mage whom your original is with.  
  
Figure 2: Oh, Lulu.  
  
Pyra: Yes, my stupid pet. If you screw up like last time, the scars you receive will never heal. Remember that the camcorder was only a simple machine. This is bigger! If you screw up, you'll be lucky to not be a soulless, black bloody pulp. Now, GO!!  
  
Figure 2: Yes Your Majesty.  
  
The two figures fly off.  
  
Pyra: :D YAY! I'll have Wakka and Auron to myself soon enough~!  
  
~*~ 


	5. "...Well, #3 definetilly won't work."

Disclaimer: *sigh* I hate repeating this... I OWN EVERYTHING!!! ALL OF YOU!!! MWUAHAHAHA!!!!!!! *gets dragged away*  
  
~*~  
  
CHAPTER V  
  
Tifa and Quistis are shown at the party.  
  
Tifa: Hey, you know how Squall and Cloud are always talking to Crono, Serge, Seifer and Tidus?... Well, they're talking about holes...  
  
Quistis: *gasp* NO!  
  
Tifa: YES!  
  
Quistis: How horrible... They must have spied on me and Seifer during our last vacation... We have to do something!  
  
Tifa: Yeah... *laughs evilly* Let's DANCE WITH THEM!  
  
Quistis: ...o_O  
  
Tifa: Er... Well?  
  
Quistis: Okay! ^^  
  
Meanwhile, Pyra walks into the bar. The two dark figures aren't with her.  
  
Pyra: Hey everybody! :D  
  
Akari: *sigh* What are you doing here again?  
  
Pyra: I'm gonna get revenge on Rikku and Lulu.  
  
Akari: But you're the one who stole their men!  
  
Pyra: Well, whatever. It's too late to call THEM back already.  
  
Akari freezes. Pyra grins evilly, takes out a hammer, and smashes Akari over the head.  
  
Akari: *glare* ...  
  
Pyra: Ahem... I was talking about Drako Auron and Drako Wakka.  
  
Akari: Oh no!! I have to go then... *runs out the door*  
  
Pyra: *shrugs* Oh well. *walks over to Auron and Wakka*  
  
Meanwhile, Shera is in the kitchen.  
  
Shera: *sweatdrop* Why isn't everyone fainting?... I have to go find Lulu... The food is screwed up...  
  
Shera runs outside and finds Akari. She explains about the food and the two head toward Sector 5. Meanwhile in Sector 5...  
  
Lulu: #$#@$#)$@#&!(&#)!@&~!!!!!! To think that I'm missing all those people fainting right now...  
  
Rikku: What do we do?  
  
Lulu: We have three options... 1.) Go back to the bar and make peace with Pyra. 2.) Run back to Spira. Or 3.) We can go fight Pyra and get our men back! *dramatic heroic music plays*  
  
Rikku: ...  
  
Lulu: ...  
  
Rikku: ...  
  
Lulu: Well, #3 definitely won't work.  
  
Rikku: And neither will #1.  
  
Lulu: So #2 is left... But I wanna party!!  
  
Rikku: We have no choice...  
  
Suddenly Shera and Akari run over.  
  
Shera: Lulu, something's wrong with the food! No one's fainting! Are you sure that it was poison we put in there?  
  
Lulu: Yeah, we poisoned it.  
  
Rikku: Wait, so that's why Pyra was choking? I thought it was because she's a dragon.  
  
Lulu: Nope! We stuffed the food with poison! =]  
  
Rikku: AAAAHHH!!!! I'M POISONED!!!!!  
  
Akari: *zaps Rikku*  
  
Rikku: ...Okay, not anymore.  
  
Akari: -_- Let's just go back to the party.  
  
Lulu: But Pyra will kill us!  
  
Akari: We have to find out why no one's fainting, though. Were you using Tifa's poison?  
  
Shera: We actually got it from Yuffie...  
  
Lulu: ...  
  
Rikku: ...  
  
Akari: ...  
  
Shera: ...So, then it's probably dog urine or something weird like that...  
  
Akari: O_o Right. But why were you two trying to poison everyone in the first place??  
  
Shera: The food was originally for Cid and Wakka, but we made a little too much. So we were left with a ton of poison. :D  
  
Akari: o.o You dumbasses! Well, I guess we can all go back to the party... I'll try to get rid of Pyra.  
  
The 4 head back. Meanwhile, back at the party with all the couples...  
  
=Rinoa and Squall=  
  
Rinoa: *dancing with Squall* Why is everyone still dancing??  
  
Squall: *shrugs* Oh well.  
  
=Quistis and Seifer, Tifa and Cloud=  
  
Seifer: *stumbles over to Quistis and Tifa drunkedly* Hey Quishtish, let'sh dance! *hic*  
  
Quistis: o.o Alrighty. *walks off to dance with Seifer*  
  
Tifa: *shrugs* Oh well. CLOUD!! Wanna dance?  
  
Cloud: *walks over* Fine. There's nothing to do now anyway, now that I'm done talking about holes with the guys...  
  
Tifa: WHAT?!  
  
Cloud: *sweatdrop* Nothing...  
  
=Vincent and Yuffie=  
  
Yuffie: *walks over to Kidd, Leena, and Harle* I'm gonna go dance with Vincent. Maybe I'll steal something from him and we can use it as our treasure. =D  
  
Kidd: Okie, whatever.  
  
Yuffie walks off. Kidd, Leena, and Harle tie Serge up.  
  
Serge: *sweatdrop* What are you gonna do to me?  
  
Kidd: ...Um...  
  
Leena: Er, what ARE we gonna do?  
  
Harle: Uh... It's a surprise!  
  
Serge: ...AAAAAHHH!!!!!  
  
Suddenly the door bursts open. Shera, Akari, Lulu, and Rikku run into the bar.  
  
Akari: We're baaaack!!! :D  
  
Tifa: -.- Did you get rid of the dragon girl?  
  
Akari: I will...  
  
Akari walks over to Pyra, Auron, and Wakka who are holding hands to form a circle and dancing that way. o.o  
  
Akari: O_o Er, Pyra... Would you mind leaving?  
  
Pyra: *stops dancing* WHAT?!?! You dare insult me?!  
  
Pyra transforms into Dark Pyra.  
  
Akari: ...Oh #$()#$)*(&#$)*&%(*&$)($^#@*^$!!!!!  
  
Everyone stops dancing and turns to Akari and Dark Pyra. Suddenly, the two figures from before appear in the bar. They're both wearing cloaks and their faces aren't visible.  
  
Figure 1: We're here, Your Dragoness!  
  
Dark Pyra: Good. I want you to kill her! *points to Akari*  
  
Figure 2: But that doesn't look like Rikku or Lulu.  
  
Dark Pyra: TOO DAMN BAD!!!  
  
Akari: -.- You really want to kill me? Shame on you!  
  
Akari kicks Dark Pyra and she falls over.  
  
Dark Pyra: Oww...  
  
Everyone: o_O  
  
Figure 1: We must help our mistress!  
  
The cloaks slip off the figures to reveal that they're... Drako Auron and Drako Wakka!!  
  
Everyone: *dramatic gasps*  
  
~*~ 


	6. "@_@ More!!"

Disclaimer: *sitting in a jail cell* Why does this always happen to me? -_- I own nothing!!! *gets beaten over the head with a hammer*  
  
~*~  
  
CHAPTER VI  
  
Drako Wakka: Hey, much machine to eat here! =D  
  
Drako Auron and Dark Pyra: -.-  
  
Tifa: *notices that Drako Wakka is eating a piece of her couch* NOOO!!!  
  
Dark Pyra: Hide your furniture. He likes to eat stuff.  
  
Tifa: Oh no... NOT THE STEREO!!  
  
Drako Wakka eats the stereo like the stupid mutant he is.  
  
Tifa: WAAAHH!!! ;_;  
  
Dark Pyra: It's all genetics...  
  
Wakka: Haha, that's ri-...HEY!  
  
Tifa: *looking at the spot where her stereo used to be* Noo... My stereo... WAAAAAAAAHHH!!!  
  
Akari: o.o *zaps Tifa a new stereo*  
  
Tifa: Hey, kewl! *hugs it*  
  
Dark Pyra: Alright, Drako Guardians... It's time to destroy the Black Mage and the weird-eyed thief!  
  
The Drako Guardians dive at Yuffie and Vivi.  
  
Yuffie and Vivi: *being eaten o.o* AAAAAAHHH!!!!  
  
Dark Pyra: ...No, I meant Rikku and Lulu.  
  
Drako Auron: We are sorry, Mistress...  
  
The Drako Guardians back off.  
  
Yuffie: *examines own eyes, somehow O.o* My eyes aren't weird!!  
  
Akari: Yeah they are. For 2 years, I thought that they were brown... Then I realized that they're grey... And now they look purple...  
  
Dark Pyra: *glares at Akari* Shut up. -.- *turns to the Drako Guardians* You two, kill Lulu and Rikku now!  
  
Rikku and Lulu: *horrified* NOO!!!!  
  
Akari: There must be a way to stop this... WAIT! I know what we can do!  
  
Dark Pyra: *face lights up* Take over the world?  
  
Akari: ^^ Nope. I have the answer to this, no violence required!  
  
Drako Auron and Drako Wakka: ;_; Noooo!  
  
Akari: :] Here's what we'll do...  
  
A few hours pass... Akari and Ryu are shown now sitting at the bar table.  
  
Ryu: That was a great idea you had.  
  
Akari: ^___^ I know, I'm so smart.  
  
Ryu: -.- Soo, happy Valentine's Day!  
  
Akari: You too! *kisses Ryu*  
  
Ryu: @_@  
  
Akari: o___O Um, yeah, okay. Ya know, this fic had sorta nothing to do with Valentine's Day.  
  
Ryu: Well, what's the sequel gonna be called?  
  
Akari: *pokes the reader* The sequel is out! ^.~  
  
Ryu: HEY, NO ADVERTISING!! *bashes Akari with a hammer*  
  
Akari: -_- Hey, I said no violence required.  
  
Meanwhile with Shera and Cid...  
  
Cid is stumbling around, completely drunk. Shera walks over to him.  
  
Shera: Soo... Sorry about when Akari had to zap you and Wakka away.  
  
Cid: *hic* Whatever...  
  
Shera: Wanna dance?  
  
Cid: Shure. *hic*  
  
Shera: *looks over to Tifa's new stereo* ...Darn, Barret's sorta committing acts of violence on it...  
  
Barret: *smashing the stereo with a chair* DIE, ROB ZOMBIE, DIIIIEEEEEE!!! *hic*  
  
Shera: -.- Oh well. What do you wanna do now?  
  
Cid: I dunno... *hic*  
  
Shera: Hmm... *kisses Cid*  
  
Cid: @_@  
  
Shera: o.o *backs away slowly*  
  
On to Yuffie and Vincent...  
  
Vincent: So, what were you doing with Kidd, Zidane, and Rikku anyway?  
  
Yuffie: *sweatdrop* Nothing... We sure weren't discussing how to steal stuff from you to use as a treasure, especially...  
  
Vincent: ...Get your hand out of my pocket.  
  
Yuffie: o.o Sorry.  
  
Vincent: -_- You're trying to steal my stuff? Then I guess I can't give you this.  
  
Vincent holds up a crumpled up piece of paper with coffee stains and grease on it and smiles cheesily.  
  
Yuffie: Hey, what is that? Gimme!!  
  
Yuffie grabs the paper.  
  
Yuffie: *unamused* A Valentine's Day card?  
  
Vincent: Yep! I... *blushes* Made it for you.  
  
Yuffie: THEN WHY THE HELL DOES IT SAY 'FOR MY LOVE LUCRECIA' ON IT?!?!?!  
  
Vincent: Oh... Um, about that... ^^;;  
  
Yuffie: ...To hell with it.  
  
Yuffie jumps on Vincent and kisses him.  
  
Vincent: @_@ I have another gift for you too!  
  
Vincent pulls out a box of liquor cherries.  
  
Yuffie: YEAH!!! ALCOHOL!!! *eats them all*  
  
Vincent: -.- Alrighty...  
  
Yuffie: MORE!! *gains up on Vincent*  
  
Vincent: 0.0 Time to take serious measures...  
  
Vincent pulls out his gun and shoots Yuffie a few times. He grins and runs away. On to Squall and Rinoa.  
  
Squall: Hey, let's dance!  
  
Rinoa: =D Okie! ...Wait, the stereo's broken... Barret seems to be setting it on fire now...  
  
Squall: Well, let's fix it! *holds up a wrench and grins*  
  
Rinoa: O-o No, let's just dance without music.  
  
Squall: Kay then.  
  
Squall and Rinoa dance around the room, breaking Tifa's valuable stuff. Tifa is shown in the background, crying.  
  
Squall: I luv you, Rinoa!  
  
Rinoa: I luv you too Squall! *kisses him*  
  
Squall: @_@  
  
Akari: *runs over and kills them both* YAY! THEY'RE DEAD!!!  
  
Everyone: WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!  
  
Next, Quistis and Seifer are shown.  
  
Quistis: I'm soo happy that those two are dead!! ^___^  
  
Seifer: Yeah!! :D  
  
Quistis: Anyway... *kisses Seifer*  
  
Seifer: @_@...  
  
Quistis: ...  
  
Quistis jumps on Seifer and they crazily make out. O.O Meanwhile with Selphie and Irvine...  
  
Irvine: *looking at Quistis and Seifer* Wow...  
  
Selphie: ...Irvine?? Last time I saw you, I knocked you out with my nunchaku... ^^  
  
Irvine: Whateva. *still staring at Quistis and Seifer* Wish we could be like that... *drool*  
  
Selphie: -.- Excuse me?  
  
Irvine: I WANNA MAKE OUT!!!  
  
Selphie: ...o_O Okie. *kisses Irvine*  
  
Irvine: @___@  
  
Selphie: Um... Yeah...  
  
Irvine: Need...more...  
  
Selphie: Kay! =] *glomps Irvine and makes out with him o.o*  
  
On to Laguna and Raine.  
  
Laguna: What's the use of trying / All you get is pain / When I wanted Julia / I got Raine!!! :]  
  
Raine: SHUT UP! *whacks Laguna on the head*  
  
Laguna: ...Hey, aren't you sorta dead?  
  
Raine: *evil grin* If I was dead... Could I do this? *kisses Laguna*  
  
Laguna: @_@ No.  
  
Raine: My point. -.- *kisses him again*  
  
Laguna: #.#  
  
Raine: ...Cool, it's a random effect every time! *kisses him again*  
  
Laguna: 6_6  
  
Raine: ...Oh my... *runs away quickly*  
  
Steiner and Beatrix are shown next.  
  
Steiner: *looking at Rikku through the binoculars* Yeah baby...  
  
Beatrix: Hey! Gimme those!! *grabs the binoculars*  
  
Steiner: I wasn't finished. ;D  
  
Beatrix: You're not gonna finish. *puts a leash around Steiner's neck.  
  
Steiner: *barks o-o*  
  
Beatrix: Good boy. ^_^ *kisses Steiner*  
  
Steiner: @_@  
  
Beatrix: ...Don't do that. *tugs leash*  
  
Steiner: *whines*  
  
Dagger and Zidane are shown.  
  
Dagger: Zidane...  
  
Zidane: Hmph. I don't wanna talk to you.  
  
Dagger: o.O You did before.  
  
Zidane: Um... Er... Ah, @#$%.  
  
Dagger: I'm sorry for what I said before... I really do love you.  
  
Suddenly the background gets all flowery and pink. Cherry blossoms randomly appear out of nowhere.  
  
Zidane: I love you too...  
  
The background disappears.  
  
Dagger: ...Actually, I just said that cause I wanna make out with you. *kisses Zidane*  
  
Zidane: @_@ YATTA!  
  
Zidane and Dagger make out. -.- Meanwhile with Crono and Marle...  
  
Marle: Ya know... I don't want Lance anymore.  
  
Crono: Good. Do you... *'hot' voice* Want me? =]  
  
Marle: *thinks* ...No, not really.  
  
Crono: -.- I see.  
  
Marle: Well, on the other hand, your hair sorta looks like Lance's...  
  
Crono: *runs hand through hair* :D Wanna make out, then?  
  
Marle: Okie! *kisses Crono*  
  
Crono: @_@  
  
Marle: o.o Whoa. Anyway, can I have some alcohol now?  
  
Crono: NO! *hugz his alcohol*  
  
Kidd, Leena, Harle, and Serge are shown.  
  
Serge: Come on... You guys aren't using me for anything, so just let me go!  
  
Leena: Well... Alright.  
  
Serge: WOOHOO!!! *grabs Kidd and runs off*  
  
Leena: ...What just happened?  
  
Harle: We got dissed. Let's go get drunk, non?  
  
Leena: Kay.  
  
Leena and Harle go drink. Meanwhile with Kidd and Serge in another part of the room...  
  
Kidd: What was that for?  
  
Serge: I dunno... I feel horny. =]  
  
Kidd: -.- Must be the hormones...  
  
Serge: Wha??  
  
Kidd: Nothing...  
  
Serge: Well, wanna make out?  
  
Kidd: DO I?!?! *kisses Serge*  
  
Serge: @_@ MORE!!  
  
Kidd jumps on Serge and they make out. O.o Tidus and Yuna are shown next.  
  
Yuna: This party sux0rz.  
  
Tidus: Yep. But it is Valentine's Day. *hint hint wink wink*  
  
Yuna: Eh? Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?  
  
Tidus: ...Maybe. *perverted grin*  
  
Yuna: ^_^ Okay, I get it! *jumps on a table* HEY EVERYONE, LET'S PLAY CHARADES!!!  
  
Tidus: -_- *pulls Yuna down* That's not what I had in mind.  
  
Yuna: o.o What, you like Twister better?  
  
Tidus: ...No.  
  
Yuna: Kay... *kisses Tidus*  
  
Tidus: @_@ Yay!  
  
Yuna: ...Hey, I can do that! @_@_@  
  
Tidus: *smacks own forehead* Dumbass.  
  
On to Lucca and Seymour.  
  
Lucca: *dancing with Seymour* I wish I had more lines and this fic.  
  
Seymour: So do I.  
  
Dark Pyra walks over.  
  
Dark Pyra: SEYMOUR! *squish* Lucca, I wanna dance!!  
  
Lucca: No. *glare*  
  
Dark Pyra: Then screw you. :}  
  
Dark Pyra kicks Lucca, who falls over in pain and shrivels up. o.o Sorry. *author gets poked*  
  
Dark Pyra: Woohoo, let's dance!! *dances with Seymour*  
  
A few hours later...  
  
Dark Pyra: *snooore* We've been dancing for hours...  
  
Seymour: Yeah. -.-  
  
Dark Pyra: You are a cheese. *walks away from Seymour*  
  
Seymour: That makes no sense... *goes off to drink or something*  
  
Akari: PYRA!!  
  
Dark Pyra transforms into Pyra and walks over to Akari.  
  
Pyra: Wha?  
  
Akari: Look at my idea! *cheesy grin*  
  
Akari points out Rikku making out with Drako Auron and Lulu making out with Drako Wakka.  
  
Pyra: *gasp* Drako Guardians! Don't slip to the other side!  
  
Drako Auron and Drako Wakka: Whatever. @_@  
  
Akari: Come on, wouldn't you rather have Wakka and Auron than Drako Auron and Drako Wakka?  
  
Pyra: Hmm...  
  
Pyra compares the Drako Guardians' wings to Wakka's and Auron's hotness.  
  
Pyra: Uh... I'll take the Drako Guardians. ^_^  
  
Akari: O.O NO! You'll screw up the fic!  
  
Pyra: Er, okie. *changes answer somehow*  
  
Auron and Wakka: YAY!  
  
Pyra: ;D *kisses Auron and Wakka*  
  
Auron and Wakka: @___@  
  
Meanwhile with Yuffie. She somehow wakes up, even though she was shot before.  
  
Yuffie: -.- *rubs head* Must...find...treasure... Hmm....  
  
Yuffie runs over to Vincent, who is setting up a VCR with some other FF dudes. She sticks her hand in his pocket, takes some stuff out, and runs off. O.o  
  
Yuffie: *examines the stuff* Let's see. Lipstick... O_O A photo of Cid in a bikini... O___O A pass to a male strip club... Oh my! This must mean that... VINCENT IS G-  
  
Kidd: *runs over* Do you have the treasure?  
  
Yuffie: -.- Ahem. I was in the middle of a sentence... VINCENT IS GENEROUS!!!  
  
Everyone: What the hell?? THAT MAKES NO SENSE!  
  
Yuffie: I know. I needed something to replace the word 'gay', cause we all know that Vincent isn't.  
  
Everyone: *stares at Vincent* Isn't that right??  
  
Vincent: *nervous* Why are you all staring at me? *starts to cry*  
  
Mascara starts to drip from Vincent's eyes as tears slide down his face. o_o  
  
Yuffie: O.O I no longer like him...  
  
Kidd: TREASURE!  
  
Yuffie: Oh, right... Hm...  
  
Yuffie runs over to her Collection of Shit CDs©. She grabs some shit and gives it to Kidd.  
  
Kidd: What the... Britney Spears? Backstreet Boys? ELTON JOHN!?!?! This stuff... IS GENIUS!  
  
Yuffie: o___o;;  
  
Zidane: *runs over* Elton John! W00T!!  
  
Rikku: *runs over too* Yay!!! *eats the Elton John CD*  
  
Yuffie: Oh my... *runs away quickly*  
  
Finally with Barret, Red XIII, Cait Sith, Vincent, Kimahri, and Seymour. They're all watching a tape...  
  
TV: Welcome to XXX Theater... DISNEY EDITION!  
  
Kimahri: WOOHOO!!  
  
Seymour: CHICKS!!  
  
Barret: YEAAAAHH!!!  
  
Cait Sith: *drool*  
  
Red XIII: W00T!!!  
  
Vincent: ... *doesn't seem interested in the women, and is looking at Cid intently*  
  
Everyone: o.o *edges away from Vincent*  
  
Barret: Now we all know why he doesn't rant about Lucrecia as much these days...  
  
On to Cid.  
  
Cid: *drunk to death* WHERE'SH MY HIGHWIND?!?! *hic*  
  
Dagger: *overhears Cid* Um... Nowhere... *sweatdrop*  
  
Cid: How would you know?? *hic*  
  
Dagger: ...Ah shit. *runs*  
  
Finally, everyone is shown in the center of the room.  
  
Pyra: Hey, wasn't I supposed to be paired with only Auron?  
  
Wakka: ;_;  
  
Pyra: ...Ah, to hell with it. *kisses Wakka and Auron*  
  
Wakka and Auron: @_@  
  
Pyra: ^.^  
  
Akari: Er... It's over. Go away. *pokes the reader*  
  
Reader: NO! I WANT MORE!!!  
  
Akari: ...xD You're kidding.  
  
~*CREDITS*~  
  
Everyone as themselves. -.-  
  
TEH END!!!!!!111:D  
  
Pyra: Yeaaah! It's over!  
  
Akari: -_-;;  
  
Teh end. No, really.  
  
~*~  
  
Thanks for reading this load of shit. O.o Thanks to Pyra most of all for coping with the crap I write and for agreeing to co-author. ^^v Bye! 


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